Bolstering myself

Yesterday we went shopping, and braved the crowds in Oxford Circus. I spent a bunch of money, but all on necessary clothing to keep myself from freezing: heavy winter coat, long underwear, wool sweater, wool hat with ear flaps, boots, and long-sleeve shirts. I could still use a second pair of pants (trousers) since I only have the one pair of jeans.

Aside from the material practicalities, I've begun preparing myself for the next great step in my life: finding a new apartment and job to pay for it. And so it begins. I had dreaded the end of this trip, always thinking of it like the horrid crash of dreary reality that I had so successfully avoided this past year. And what a year it was. I wouldn't trade it for anything. BUT, surprisingly, I am finding myself gaining momentum and excitement about my new second chance at making a life in San Fran. I'm certainly not the same "me" as I was when I first moved there after college. I was awesomely young, naive and had stars in my eyes. Not bad, but now its just...different. I'm older, wiser, and feel this great sense of internal calm. I don't need to scrabble for happiness via the external world any longer. The nagging sensation that happiness, adventure, excitement was always dwelling on the greener grass somewhere else has finally subsided. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. And for the first time I feel it.

Its a good feeling.